OFFICIAL OUSDAHL FINALLY GOT A TINDER THREAD

[JKLivin]

I was on Match.com for a short period of time, approximately 24 hours. My experience does not seem to be typical. I was in the last throws of divorce and my therapist thought it would be good for me to meet some women who weren’t industry peers. Fair enough.

The approach was pragmatic. I spent a couple of hours going through the profiles. The very first page I saw this face with red hair and dazzling pale blue eyes and read the profile and it made me laugh. I thought, this is going to be fun. A couple of hundred pages later I was bored and went back to the first page. I signed up, paid my fee and wrote a profile that was more or less a response to the redhead whose profile made me laugh. The only line of which that I remember is “My most prized possession is my Dewalt 12V rechargeable drill.”

I posted my profile and then sent a message to the redhead. The next day I had three messages. One was a straight up solicitation for sex from a woman in Minneapolis. Another was from an inappropriately younger woman ( she was in her mid 20’s) who lived in a house behind my ex. That one made me feel more skeevy than the woman from Minneapolis, not sure why. And the last one was from the redhead. I responded to the redhead and gave her my work email for correspondence purposes since I use that for everything. Then I shut down my profile. I wasn’t interested in getting any more weird messages.

The redhead used my email the way I figured she would, she accessed my firm website and looked at my CV and determined I was likely a serious growedup. She told me she had a “process” and wanted to converse by email for a couple of weeks before actually meeting. Cool.

I later found out this “process” was honed over a few years of meeting guys on Match. Her first profile pic was red hair and dazzling blue eyes and cleavage and the profile was written to attract men. She got a couple of hundred responses in 24 hours. She wrote and rewrote her profile and cropped her pic to remove the cleavage until she got fewer and fewer responses each time. She would shut down her profile every month or so and talk to a few guys and if no one made it through the process she would wait a few months and then start it up again. Unbeknownst to me, I made the cut on the day before she ws going to shut it down again.

Her process was pretty good I think. Two weeks of conversing via email. She claims you could figure out who was an asshole or just not compatible in that time. They let down their guard and something slips out or you just realize they are not interesting to you or vice versa. A got through that test with flying colors. The second test was a phone call. As she told me later anyone can be witty or charming if they have half a day to craft their responses. Talking on the phone was game time, can you bring it spontaneously? Also she wanted to know if I had a weird laugh or had an effeminate voice. Both were dealbreakers for her as she had determined in meeting other guys. I made it through test 2 as well. On the phone she said, “OK, I am tired of talking to you remote, let’s meet.” She had one more rule to tell me about, she did not kiss on the first date, don’t even ask. I invited her to my place on the 29th floor of the 909 Walnut Bldg which has a view of the river and downtown and made my famous mashed taters, sure, it was a power move. In conversation previously she told me that she “wanted to be a vegetarian”. After dinner she said those were the most incredible mashed taters she has ever had. “What was the smokey flavor in them?” German summer sausage. She decided she wasn’t going to be a vegetarian after all. We talked for hours afterwards and I passed another test. We talked about ghosts and teleportation. I told I had experiences in both. She believed in both and most men treated her like she was nuts if she talked about it. She was currently living in a haunted house. On the elevator ride down to the lobby I asked her for a second date. She started laughing and told me that was against the rules. “No one asks for a second date face to face, that way you don’t have to see the look on the other person's face if they say no.” I told her I thought we were too old for bullshit games and besides I knew she wanted to go out again. I walked her to her car and no attempt at a kiss. She threw herself on me and gave me a big hug before she left though.

The next day I emailed her and asked her why she came back and was walking around my apartment in the dark. Wuuut? How do you know I was looking around your apartment later? I could hear bare feet scuffling around my apartment in the dark, I recognized the sound from earlier in the evening. OK, she said, I decided to go back to your place in my mind and walk around to see how things were there when it was just you. I didn’t think you could hear that. Well I did, it was a little creepy at first but then I realized it was you and went to sleep.

A year and a half later we got married and have been together for 14 years now. When her friends lament their experiences on dating apps she often tells them this story. How she spent years working on a system and a process to find success, and I did it in 24 hours. She likes to think she is clever, and she is, but it is no contest when compared to someone who was sent by God.

There was no promise of corporate sponsorship, she had previous offers of that and walked away. She could have used monetary stability but having been divorced once she wasn't interested in having a relationship based secondary concerns. She was looking for someone who could hear her footsteps in the dark when she wasn't there. Your mileage may vary.

Glad your story has a happy ending. Sounds like a great match.

[TDub]

I was on Match.com for a short period of time, approximately 24 hours. My experience does not seem to be typical. I was in the last throws of divorce and my therapist thought it would be good for me to meet some women who weren’t industry peers. Fair enough.

The approach was pragmatic. I spent a couple of hours going through the profiles. The very first page I saw this face with red hair and dazzling pale blue eyes and read the profile and it made me laugh. I thought, this is going to be fun. A couple of hundred pages later I was bored and went back to the first page. I signed up, paid my fee and wrote a profile that was more or less a response to the redhead whose profile made me laugh. The only line of which that I remember is “My most prized possession is my Dewalt 12V rechargeable drill.”

I posted my profile and then sent a message to the redhead. The next day I had three messages. One was a straight up solicitation for sex from a woman in Minneapolis. Another was from an inappropriately younger woman ( she was in her mid 20’s) who lived in a house behind my ex. That one made me feel more skeevy than the woman from Minneapolis, not sure why. And the last one was from the redhead. I responded to the redhead and gave her my work email for correspondence purposes since I use that for everything. Then I shut down my profile. I wasn’t interested in getting any more weird messages.

The redhead used my email the way I figured she would, she accessed my firm website and looked at my CV and determined I was likely a serious growedup. She told me she had a “process” and wanted to converse by email for a couple of weeks before actually meeting. Cool.

I later found out this “process” was honed over a few years of meeting guys on Match. Her first profile pic was red hair and dazzling blue eyes and cleavage and the profile was written to attract men. She got a couple of hundred responses in 24 hours. She wrote and rewrote her profile and cropped her pic to remove the cleavage until she got fewer and fewer responses each time. She would shut down her profile every month or so and talk to a few guys and if no one made it through the process she would wait a few months and then start it up again. Unbeknownst to me, I made the cut on the day before she ws going to shut it down again.

Her process was pretty good I think. Two weeks of conversing via email. She claims you could figure out who was an asshole or just not compatible in that time. They let down their guard and something slips out or you just realize they are not interesting to you or vice versa. A got through that test with flying colors. The second test was a phone call. As she told me later anyone can be witty or charming if they have half a day to craft their responses. Talking on the phone was game time, can you bring it spontaneously? Also she wanted to know if I had a weird laugh or had an effeminate voice. Both were dealbreakers for her as she had determined in meeting other guys. I made it through test 2 as well. On the phone she said, “OK, I am tired of talking to you remote, let’s meet.” She had one more rule to tell me about, she did not kiss on the first date, don’t even ask. I invited her to my place on the 29th floor of the 909 Walnut Bldg which has a view of the river and downtown and made my famous mashed taters, sure, it was a power move. In conversation previously she told me that she “wanted to be a vegetarian”. After dinner she said those were the most incredible mashed taters she has ever had. “What was the smokey flavor in them?” German summer sausage. She decided she wasn’t going to be a vegetarian after all. We talked for hours afterwards and I passed another test. We talked about ghosts and teleportation. I told I had experiences in both. She believed in both and most men treated her like she was nuts if she talked about it. She was currently living in a haunted house. On the elevator ride down to the lobby I asked her for a second date. She started laughing and told me that was against the rules. “No one asks for a second date face to face, that way you don’t have to see the look on the other person's face if they say no.” I told her I thought we were too old for bullshit games and besides I knew she wanted to go out again. I walked her to her car and no attempt at a kiss. She threw herself on me and gave me a big hug before she left though.

The next day I emailed her and asked her why she came back and was walking around my apartment in the dark. Wuuut? How do you know I was looking around your apartment later? I could hear bare feet scuffling around my apartment in the dark, I recognized the sound from earlier in the evening. OK, she said, I decided to go back to your place in my mind and walk around to see how things were there when it was just you. I didn’t think you could hear that. Well I did, it was a little creepy at first but then I realized it was you and went to sleep.

A year and a half later we got married and have been together for 14 years now. When her friends lament their experiences on dating apps she often tells them this story. How she spent years working on a system and a process to find success, and I did it in 24 hours. She likes to think she is clever, and she is, but it is no contest when compared to someone who was sent by God.

There was no promise of corporate sponsorship, she had previous offers of that and walked away. She could have used monetary stability but having been divorced once she wasn't interested in having a relationship based secondary concerns. She was looking for someone who could hear her footsteps in the dark when she wasn't there. Your mileage may vary.

Kinda glossed over an important part here.

Teleportation?

I think we need a more expanded dive into that particularly sentence.

[pdub]

That might need a japhy's thoughts on teleportation thread.

[DCHawk1]

I own the fact that I’m some sorta man child.

Shoulda stopped right there.

Yes, please.

[Overlander]

I was on Match.com for a short period of time, approximately 24 hours. My experience does not seem to be typical. I was in the last throws of divorce and my therapist thought it would be good for me to meet some women who weren’t industry peers. Fair enough.

The approach was pragmatic. I spent a couple of hours going through the profiles. The very first page I saw this face with red hair and dazzling pale blue eyes and read the profile and it made me laugh. I thought, this is going to be fun. A couple of hundred pages later I was bored and went back to the first page. I signed up, paid my fee and wrote a profile that was more or less a response to the redhead whose profile made me laugh. The only line of which that I remember is “My most prized possession is my Dewalt 12V rechargeable drill.”

I posted my profile and then sent a message to the redhead. The next day I had three messages. One was a straight up solicitation for sex from a woman in Minneapolis. Another was from an inappropriately younger woman ( she was in her mid 20’s) who lived in a house behind my ex. That one made me feel more skeevy than the woman from Minneapolis, not sure why. And the last one was from the redhead. I responded to the redhead and gave her my work email for correspondence purposes since I use that for everything. Then I shut down my profile. I wasn’t interested in getting any more weird messages.

The redhead used my email the way I figured she would, she accessed my firm website and looked at my CV and determined I was likely a serious growedup. She told me she had a “process” and wanted to converse by email for a couple of weeks before actually meeting. Cool.

I later found out this “process” was honed over a few years of meeting guys on Match. Her first profile pic was red hair and dazzling blue eyes and cleavage and the profile was written to attract men. She got a couple of hundred responses in 24 hours. She wrote and rewrote her profile and cropped her pic to remove the cleavage until she got fewer and fewer responses each time. She would shut down her profile every month or so and talk to a few guys and if no one made it through the process she would wait a few months and then start it up again. Unbeknownst to me, I made the cut on the day before she ws going to shut it down again.

Her process was pretty good I think. Two weeks of conversing via email. She claims you could figure out who was an asshole or just not compatible in that time. They let down their guard and something slips out or you just realize they are not interesting to you or vice versa. A got through that test with flying colors. The second test was a phone call. As she told me later anyone can be witty or charming if they have half a day to craft their responses. Talking on the phone was game time, can you bring it spontaneously? Also she wanted to know if I had a weird laugh or had an effeminate voice. Both were dealbreakers for her as she had determined in meeting other guys. I made it through test 2 as well. On the phone she said, “OK, I am tired of talking to you remote, let’s meet.” She had one more rule to tell me about, she did not kiss on the first date, don’t even ask. I invited her to my place on the 29th floor of the 909 Walnut Bldg which has a view of the river and downtown and made my famous mashed taters, sure, it was a power move. In conversation previously she told me that she “wanted to be a vegetarian”. After dinner she said those were the most incredible mashed taters she has ever had. “What was the smokey flavor in them?” German summer sausage. She decided she wasn’t going to be a vegetarian after all. We talked for hours afterwards and I passed another test. We talked about ghosts and teleportation. I told I had experiences in both. She believed in both and most men treated her like she was nuts if she talked about it. She was currently living in a haunted house. On the elevator ride down to the lobby I asked her for a second date. She started laughing and told me that was against the rules. “No one asks for a second date face to face, that way you don’t have to see the look on the other person's face if they say no.” I told her I thought we were too old for bullshit games and besides I knew she wanted to go out again. I walked her to her car and no attempt at a kiss. She threw herself on me and gave me a big hug before she left though.

The next day I emailed her and asked her why she came back and was walking around my apartment in the dark. Wuuut? How do you know I was looking around your apartment later? I could hear bare feet scuffling around my apartment in the dark, I recognized the sound from earlier in the evening. OK, she said, I decided to go back to your place in my mind and walk around to see how things were there when it was just you. I didn’t think you could hear that. Well I did, it was a little creepy at first but then I realized it was you and went to sleep.

A year and a half later we got married and have been together for 14 years now. When her friends lament their experiences on dating apps she often tells them this story. How she spent years working on a system and a process to find success, and I did it in 24 hours. She likes to think she is clever, and she is, but it is no contest when compared to someone who was sent by God.

There was no promise of corporate sponsorship, she had previous offers of that and walked away. She could have used monetary stability but having been divorced once she wasn't interested in having a relationship based secondary concerns. She was looking for someone who could hear her footsteps in the dark when she wasn't there. Your mileage may vary.

Almost exactly my approach to the online dating process.

And we both were lucky to land smart, funny and attractive red heads with amazing eyes!

Having met your wife, I would agree that the 2 of you are indeed a match, and she somehow can tolerate extended periods of time with you...commendable.

I was, however, without the power of the taters (my wife HATES that term), so who knows how long my marriage will last?

[pdub]

In another timeline i'm probably married to a girl I met on a dating site.
It was a tough decision leaving, she was great, and I didn't handle the relationship well.
I have no regrets but I also wonder what that life would have been like.

But also I met several crazies or women who just weren't for me.
One who I woke up to doing my dishes naked and would not leave my apartment.
One who wanted to be fisted on the first date.
One who made cat noises and purred and if I had gone any further maybe would have found out she just wanted to be a cat or was a furry.
One who sent me a closeup photo of her eye and said, 'i'm watching you'.
One who refused to kiss before the third date.
One who texted me for weeks after I clearly expressed no interest.
One who brought me to her place after the date and showed me her hula hoop collection of which she had 3 or 4 hula hoops all priced at over 100 dollars each.

[japhy]

Kinda glossed over an important part here.

Teleportation?

I think we need a more expanded dive into that particularly sentence.

I'm not necessarily a good splainer of these things. Some background reading is a good start. I recommend "The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge" by Carlos Castaneda and "The Doors of Perception" by Aldous Huxley. If after you read those you are still intrigued, we might make that a Level 2 Trip in our All American Trip packages. There are some basic skills you need to develop for a few years before you try to jump off a building roof and fly.

The real test, after just one date was, "should I ask her if that was her walking around my apartment that night?" and, "what if she says no?". She told me that night she "had superpowers." I nodded and said "yeah, me too." I think she only half believed me. I was an engineer who had the same job for 20 years and was the picture of stability and no bullshit, "proof by calculation", sure I understood what she was a talking about. She was genuinely shocked when I asked her about it the next day. She thought that was her little secret.

I think she was a little jealous when we went to the Ute Agency Compound in Conejos and the nasty thing/spirit there passed her up and attached itself to me to do battle for my soul for the rest of the afternoon instead of her. When it put me in bed, weak and semi-delirious for a whole day she was a lot less jealous.

But let's not hijack this thread with trivialities.

This is about Oussie and his adventures and the celebration of the variety of human mating rituals.

[ousdahl]

Okay, fine, at least every chick who wants an actual soul mate, rather than a corporate partner.

With rare exceptions, emotionally healthy women of childbearing age want a corporate partner first and a soulmate second. It's wired into their DNA. I didn't make the rules.

I mean, the cover letter gal says she’s still into me precisely because I AM emotionally available and relatable and a human being and more than just some career crusader.

[JKLivin]

Okay, fine, at least every chick who wants an actual soul mate, rather than a corporate partner.

With rare exceptions, emotionally healthy women of childbearing age want a corporate partner first and a soulmate second. It's wired into their DNA. I didn't make the rules.

I mean, the cover letter gal says she’s still into me precisely because I AM emotionally available and relatable and a human being and more than just some career crusader.

Awesome! Glad things look promising. I wish you the best.

[DCHawk1]

I went to the 2013 Iowa State game at AFH with japhy -- although he wasn't called japhy then.

With about 30 seconds left in the game, with KU trailing by 3, he taps me on the shoulder and says, "Bank's open." I turned to him to ask, "wUt?" but he was gone.

Then this happened:

https://youtu.be/z-qaHPwRrxw

A day I'll never forget -- for more reasons than one (mostly cuz that's the day I met Leawood, may he RIP).

[ousdahl]

With rare exceptions, emotionally healthy women of childbearing age want a corporate partner first and a soulmate second. It's wired into their DNA. I didn't make the rules.

I mean, the cover letter gal says she’s still into me precisely because I AM emotionally available and relatable and a human being and more than just some career crusader.

Awesome! Glad things look promising. I wish you the best.

bro but she's boring. Who the F orders gluten free pizza with no cheese.

what next babe, you gonna cut that donut in half too?

[japhy]

bro but she's boring. Who the F orders gluten free pizza with no cheese.

The same sort of person who uses the term "career crusader"?

It's a thin line between performance art and performative life sometimes. The "Let's have a war!" thread could qualify as durational performance art.

[JKLivin]

I mean, the cover letter gal says she’s still into me precisely because I AM emotionally available and relatable and a human being and more than just some career crusader.

Awesome! Glad things look promising. I wish you the best.

bro but she's boring. Who the F orders gluten free pizza with no cheese.

what next babe, you gonna cut that donut in half too?

All the perfect ones are taken, I'm afraid. Life is a matter of deciding what you'll settle for, I guess.

[DeletedUser]

What a weird thread for a grown man to create. Q is pushing about 40 years old, iirc.

Embarrassing.

[RainbowsandUnicorns]

What a weird thread for a grown man to create. Q is pushing about 40 years old, iirc.

Embarrassing.

What's "embarrassing" is your feeling the need to continue to be who you are on here.
That and the fact this thread is now 8 pages long.

[DeletedUser]

What a weird thread for a grown man to create. Q is pushing about 40 years old, iirc.

Embarrassing.

What's "embarrassing" is your feeling the need to continue to be who you are on here.

Oh really? Do tell....

[ousdahl]

So this bumble babe a wants to meet up and ski. Thing is, each of our ski passes are to competing rival resorts.

I joke that makes us the Montagues and Capulets of the ski world.

She loves the reference, and replies a “wherefore art thou Romeo?”

Points!

I get curious and ask some other bumble babes:

do you know the Montagues and Capulets?

One says, “Duh! It’s from that Leonardo DiCaprio movie!”

I guess it isn’t not so let’s call it close enough. Points!

The next one, “yeah but I had to look it up first.”

Seriously, that didn’t ring a bell? Any bell at all? DiCaprio movies or high school English class or like some pop culture reference or any bell huh? Well, even if you had to look it up, at least you know it now. Points!

Finally, the babe of the day: “what’s Montagues and Capulets, some kinda drugs?”

Fuck it, let’s roll with it. Points! Now whaddya say we meet up to smoke a fat bowl of Montague then boof some Capulets.

[DeletedUser]

Hard to believe you're almost 40 years old.

[RainbowsandUnicorns]

So this bumble babe a wants to meet up and ski. Thing is, each of our ski passes are to competing rival resorts.

I joke that makes us the Montagues and Capulets of the ski world.

She loves the reference, and replies a “wherefore art thou Romeo?”

Points!

I get curious and ask some other bumble babes:

do you know the Montagues and Capulets?

One says, “Duh! It’s from that Leonardo DiCaprio movie!”

I guess it isn’t not so let’s call it close enough. Points!

The next one, “yeah but I had to look it up first.”

Seriously, that didn’t ring a bell? Any bell at all? DiCaprio movies or high school English class or like some pop culture reference or any bell huh? Well, even if you had to look it up, at least you know it now. Points!

Finally, the babe of the day: “what’s Montagues and Capulets, some kinda drugs?”

Fuck it, let’s roll with it. Points! Now whaddya say we meet up to smoke a fat bowl of Montague then boof some Capulets.

If I was a chick and some dude told me we are the Montagues and Capulets I think I would probably tell him to beat off and I would go get myself laid by another dude.
I'm just sayin'.

Your story brings me to something I observed yesterday. Fat ugly dude had a great rap. Was funny, interesting, kind, positive, etc.
I'm not gay but it made the guy a lot more likable than if he wasn't funny, was uninteresting, wasn't nice, and was negative.
Other people around him listening to him liked the guy and you could clearly see it in their expressions. He made them smile, put them in a good mood.
Made ME wake the fuck up.

Point of my sharing that is, my guess is as nuts as Ousy may be, he has a rap. Sure it may put off some women but my guess is others are at least intrigued.
That and there is a good reason I haven't been laid in 100 years. Being a fat ugly not funny uninteresting mean negative asshole is worse than being a fat ugly funny interesting nice positive mensch in regards to how others will be attracted to you.

[ousdahl]

The women I put off are the ones who in their dating bios have “career oriented” (shamelessly materialistic and looking for a sugar daddy) and/or “proud conservative” (ignorant white trash) types.

For the other women who actually have a conscience, they tend to be at least amused by my dumb humor, and/or impressed with my progressive values.

Yes, even the Qusdahl propaganda…a sock by any other name would smell as sweet.

Nm, that smell is rank! I should prob do laundry before my date tonight.