The Greatest Wealth Transference....

[japhy]

...you pick the completion of the sentence. This is a subject I am running into more and more. The cost of caring for an aging population in the US. We recently met with financial advisors to discuss retirement investing and planning. One of the subjects was planning for long term care. "That's not an issue, we don't need it". The planner says "well, no one thinks they will need it but it can be very expensive and your wife is younger and she could..." I cut him off, "We know how expensive it can be, but when the time comes that life is no fun, I plan on simply checking out." Planner; "Oh, we'll shit if we don't have to plan for that then this is simple!"

Full disclosure, my mom is 86 and currently in a "memory care facility" in St Louis and is in pretty good health for her age but hasn't known who anyone is, or where she is, for 5 years now. In her lucid moments she tells me she doesn't want to live like this and prays every night that she will die in her sleep.

Thousands of readers reacted to the articles in the “Dying Broke” series about the financial burden of long-term care in the United States. They offered their assessments for the government and market failures that have drained the lifetime savings of so many American families. And some offered possible solutions.

In more than 4,200 comments, readers shared their struggles in caring for spouses, older parents, and grandparents. They expressed anxieties about getting older themselves and needing help to stay at home or in institutions like nursing homes or assisted living facilities.

Many suggested changes to U.S. policy, like expanding the government’s payments for care and allowing more immigrants to stay in the country to help meet the demand for workers. Some even said they would rather end their lives than become a financial burden to their children.

Many readers blamed the predominantly for-profit nature of American medicine and the long-term care industry for depleting the financial resources of older people, leaving the federal-state Medicaid programs to take care of them once they were destitute.

“It is incorrect to say the money isn’t there to pay for elder care,” Jim Castrone, 72, a retired financial controller in Placitas, New Mexico, commented. “It’s there, in the form of profits that accrue to the owners of these facilities.”

“It is a system of wealth transference from the middle class and the poor to the owners of for-profit medical care, including hospitals and the long-term care facilities outlined in this article, underwritten by the government,” he added.

Other readers pointed to insurance policies that, despite limitations, had helped them pay for services. And some relayed their concerns that Americans were not saving enough and were unprepared to take care of themselves as they aged.

Insurance Policies Debated

Many, many readers said they could relate to problems with long-term care insurance policies, and their soaring costs. Some who hold such policies said they provided comfort for a possible worst-case scenario while others castigated insurers for making it difficult to access benefits.

“They really make you work for the money, and you’d better have someone available who can call them and work on the endless and ever-changing paperwork,” said Janet Blanding, 62, a technical writer in Fancy Gap, Virginia.

Derek Sippel, 47, a registered nurse in Naples, Florida, cited the $11,000 monthly cost of his mother’s nursing home care for dementia as the reason he bought a policy. He pays about $195 a month with a lifetime benefit of $350,000. “I may never need to use the benefit[s], but it makes me feel better knowing that I have it if I need it,” he said in his comment. He said he could not make that kind of money by investing on his own.

“It’s the risk you take with any kind of insurance,” he said. “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.”

Questioning the Value of Life-Prolonging Procedures

A number of readers condemned the country’s medical culture for pushing expensive surgeries and other procedures that do little to improve the quality of people’s few remaining years.

Thomas Thuene, 60, a consultant in Boston’s Roslindale neighborhood, described how a friend’s mother who had heart failure was repeatedly sent from the elder care facility where she lived to the hospital and back, via ambulance. “There was no arguing with the care facility,” he said. “However, the moment all her money was gone, the facility gently nudged my friend to think of end-of-life care for his mother. It seems the financial ruin is baked into the system.”

Joan Chambers, 69, an architectural draftsperson in Southold, New York, said that during a hospitalization on a cardiac unit she observed many fellow patients “bedridden with empty eyes,” awaiting implants of stents and pacemakers.

“I realized then and there that we are not patients, we are commodities,” she said. “Most of us will die from heart failure. It will take courage for a family member to refuse a ‘simple’ procedure that will keep a loved one’s heart beating for a few more years, but we have to stop this cruelty.

“We have to remember that even though we are grateful to our health care professionals, they are not our friends. They are our employees and we can say no.”

One physician, James Sullivan, 64, in Cataumet, a neighborhood of Bourne, Massachusetts, said he planned to refuse hospitalization and other extraordinary measures if he suffered from dementia. “We spend billions of dollars, and a lot of heartache, treating demented people for pneumonia, urinary tract infections, cancers, things that are going to kill them sooner or later, for no meaningful benefit,” Sullivan said. “I would not want my son to spend his good years, and money, helping to maintain me alive if I don’t even know what’s going on,” he said.

Considering ‘Assisted Dying’

Others went further, declaring they would rather arrange for their own deaths than suffer in greatly diminished capacity. “My long-term care plan is simple,” said Karen Clodfelter, 54, a library assistant in St. Louis. “When the money runs out, I will take myself out of the picture.” Clodfelter said she helped care for her mother until her death at 101. “I’ve seen extreme old age,” she said, “and I’m not interested in going there.”

Some suggested that medically assisted death should be a more widely available option in a country that takes such poor care of its elderly. Meridee Wendell, 76, of Sunnyvale, California, said: “If we can’t manage to provide assisted living to our fellow Americans, could we at least offer assisted dying? At least some of us would see it as a desirable solution.”

Any thoughts? Personal experiences?

https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/ ... lder-care/

https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/ ... home-care/

https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/ ... rt/[url] https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/ ... g-profits/[/url]

[pdub]

How will you check out?

[ousdahl]

After my grandma died, my dad handed me an inheritance check for like $600.

He said she wanted to leave her grandkids more, but she spent the last several years of her life a vegetable in an old folks home, to the tune of $11k a month.

[zsn]

How will you check out?

When I was much younger I used to say that my preferred way to go would be to be shot by a jealous husband in the act (euphemistically known as Dying with a Dickens Cider).

Now, I just want to not be a burden on anyone else and check out peacefully, and without draining my daughters’ inheritance. I’ve (semi jokingly) told them that every day they keep me alive they are getting that much less money from me. I see my friend’s 92-year old father (and his family) suffering for the past 4+ years - the dad is essentially immobile and needs constant care. He was a very accomplished and proud man (and let everyone know that!) and it’s really hard to see him in this situation. It’s almost like he’s having a second mortgage, paying for all this care, in his home. My friend is quite well off and can afford it, besides what insurance pays. But still, the physical and emotional toll is huge.

[pdub]

Logan’s Run but up the age to 85?

[japhy]

How will you check out?

TBD - there will prolly be some negotiation with my wife and daughters.

My original plan is pretty simple. I grab a fistful of psilocybin mushrooms and a fistful of fentanyl and trudge off into the Great Sand Dunes an hour or so before sunset. Annie says the anxiety of having to track my dead ass down afterwards makes her nervous. I figure the NPS folks would do that for her.

Annie is an entrepreneurial girl and wants to start a death journey and human composting business in the Empire so I might end up like a rhesus test monkey piloting one of these sarco pods instead. She said she would meet me halfway on my plan and the pod would be out in the desert with a view of the dunes and Blanca Peak. I assume these things will have a kick ass built in sound system so it could be kinda like the death scene from Soylent Green.

https://www.exitinternational.net/sarco/concept/

We have time to reach an agreement on the details.

[jfish26]

How will you check out?

TBD - there will prolly be some negotiation with my wife and daughters.

My original plan is pretty simple. I grab a fistful of psilocybin mushrooms and a fistful of fentanyl and trudge off into the Great Sand Dunes an hour or so before sunset. Annie says the anxiety of having to track my dead ass down afterwards makes her nervous. I figure the NPS folks would do that for her.

Annie is an entrepreneurial girl and wants to start a death journey and human composting business in the Empire so I might end up like a rhesus test monkey piloting one of these sarco pods instead. She said she would meet me halfway on my plan and the pod would be out in the desert with a view of the dunes and Blanca Peak. I assume these things will have a kick ass built in sound system so it could be kinda like the death scene from Soylent Green.

https://www.exitinternational.net/sarco/concept/

We have time to reach an agreement on the details.

Negotiating with your wife and daughters is a must.

If I may.

My parents split up right after I was born, and I lived with my mom growing up. She remarried when I was six, so my stepdad was Dad, you know? He had two adult daughters, L and D. They weren't very close with him (or us) - sort of a Christmas-and-Easter type deal.

By the time of the relevant events, L was in California still, and D was in Washington (state). I was in KC, in my early 30s.

Dad's health starts to fail when he's in his early 80s. Among other things, there was at least one "silent" heart attack, and one that was much louder. He's in the hospital and it has become apparent that he's not coming home, he's not all himself anymore and maybe he never will be...but nor is he ready to move along to the great beyond.

The docs start having the very well-meaning conversations about assisted living, long-term care, the whole shebang. My mom is no spring chicken herself, taking care of Dad would kill her. No bueno.

L is fairly distant, emotionally, and in the midst of a messy divorce and custody battle besides.

D, who has long battled mental health issues of her own, doesn't believe in Western medicine, and is convinced (not unlike some of our friends here, but I digress) that Western medicine is just a construct enabling control of the folks. D does not believe Dad needs anything besides a whole/raw food diet and to be freed of monitors and medication.

L and D are both at the hospital by now, and doctors have to separate D and me in the hallway. It will not surprise anyone reading this to learn that I was on Team Science.

Anyway, next day I come back to the hospital, and Dad is not in his room. In fact, he's not in any room.

Turns out that D got him to sign a power of attorney (to her), and then she promptly checked him out. She stuck him in her rental car and had set out for Greater Spokane.

We never see him again.

About ten weeks later, L calls us to let us know that he died, and that his body has already been cremated and the remains disposed of. L told us a date of death, but there is no way to be sure I suppose.

We had a memorial service some weeks later, where I read something about the law of conservation of energy. Just trying to bridge the gap between Science and Other.

There's no grave or columbarium niche, of course.

I'll never know whether, in those ten weeks, he was happy and peaceful or sad and sickly. Liberated or kidnapped. Saved or killed.

Probably, in each of those cases, both.

Anyway, yes, plan this shit with your wife and daughters, k?

[ChalkRocker]

A+ thread. Stuff I've lived and am living, but rarely articulate to myself in thoughtful ways. Means a ton to know I'm not alone.

Thx





Ya goofs! That's not why I come here. I want sport, lols, and victory.

j/k. it's abt time i think abt this shit, and take some steps to prep for my preferred outcome(s)...

sheesh. buncha nerds


btw, 5x edited^^^^

[japhy]

Anyway, yes, plan this shit with your wife and daughters, k?

Damn, that is a crazy story. Sorry you had to go through that.

Annie has a father she hasn't seen in a decade. He is a toxic narcissist, she refers to him as a much less successful trump. He strangled her once when she was in her 20's because she was leaving the family business then explained the bruises soon her throat was she tripped and fell and he caught her by her throat trying to protect her. He is dying of cancer and tries to contact her occasionally but does not know our address or her phone number. Her mom seems to be on the verge of her fourth psychotic break of the last 12 months.

My daughters saw their mom have a psychotic break when they were little. I used to drive home from the office for months at lunchtime to get their mom out of bed and dressed so that when the girls got home she didn't appear to be dead in bed. She was unresponsive once when the grade schoolers came home and they thought she had committed suicide. They saw one grandfather run up hundreds of thousands in credit card debt and get in all kinds of shit. Their other grandfather wasted away from cancer. Now their grandmother has slipped away into delirium from dementia and their step grandmother into psychotic breaks.

For all three of these women I have probably been the one person they always know they can count on when shit hits the fan. It's not like I don't get dented when the shots come, but I am resilient and stable.

Having seen all of that, they understand my reluctance to continue to live after life has lost its joy. And when the time comes they will know as well as I do that it is time. We will discuss how and if they want to be there, and they will facilitate the plan. Annie is not in favor of my desert trip walkoff. She has this thing, when people or animals die, that if she places her hand on them she says she can feel their soul pass thru her on it's way out of it's body. This is the woman who the night I met her, teleported back to my apartment afterwards to check out what my place looked and felt like when she wasn't there. There is no fucking way she is not going to be present when I pass, if for no other reason than morbid curiosity. I appreciate that kinda curiosity.

My daughters, Annie and I all have a background in science....back to your mention of the law of conservation of energy. Annie did a drawing back before I met her. A character she calls the "soul recycler". He is a mix of the law of conservation of energy, the Buddhist belief in reincarnation and a ghetto rat she saw riding a bicycle carrying a huge load of junk down Troost. No one really disappears. Their energy disperses and sometimes you can see it again in other places. If you understand and believe that, death is not scary and you can believe that "heaven" is here on earth.

[jfish26]

Anyway, yes, plan this shit with your wife and daughters, k?

Damn, that is a crazy story. Sorry you had to go through that.

Annie has a father she hasn't seen in a decade. He is a toxic narcissist, she refers to him as a much less successful trump. He strangled her once when she was in her 20's because she was leaving the family business then explained the bruises soon her throat was she tripped and fell and he caught her by her throat trying to protect her. He is dying of cancer and tries to contact her occasionally but does not know our address or her phone number. Her mom seems to be on the verge of her fourth psychotic break of the last 12 months.

My daughters saw their mom have a psychotic break when they were little. I used to drive home from the office for months at lunchtime to get their mom out of bed and dressed so that when the girls got home she didn't appear to be dead in bed. She was unresponsive once when the grade schoolers came home and they thought she had committed suicide. They saw one grandfather run up hundreds of thousands in credit card debt and get in all kinds of shit. Their other grandfather wasted away from cancer. Now their grandmother has slipped away into delirium from dementia and their step grandmother into psychotic breaks.

For all three of these women I have probably been the one person they always know they can count on when shit hits the fan. It's not like I don't get dented when the shots come, but I am resilient and stable.

Having seen all of that, they understand my reluctance to continue to live after life has lost its joy. And when the time comes they will know as well as I do that it is time. We will discuss how and if they want to be there, and they will facilitate the plan. Annie is not in favor of my desert trip walkoff. She has this thing, when people or animals die, that if she places her hand on them she says she can feel their soul pass thru her on it's way out of it's body. This is the woman who the night I met her, teleported back to my apartment afterwards to check out what my place looked and felt like when she wasn't there. There is no fucking way she is not going to be present when I pass, if for no other reason than morbid curiosity. I appreciate that kinda curiosity.

My daughters, Annie and I all have a background in science....back to your mention of the law of conservation of energy. Annie did a drawing back before I met her. A character she calls the "soul recycler". He is a mix of the law of conservation of energy, the Buddhist belief in reincarnation and a ghetto rat she saw riding a bicycle carrying a huge load of junk down Troost. No one really disappears. Their energy disperses and sometimes you can see it again in other places. If you understand and believe that, death is not scary and you can believe that "heaven" is here on earth.

We have similar feelings.

My family is way off schedule because of some late kids - myself included. My brothers are significantly older than I am, to the point that I expect to have a pretty decent chunk of time where I'm the last-surviving of my generation. Mrs. Fish doesn't come from especially long-lived stock, but I do.

So I have a lot riding on relationships with my brothers' kids, and my own.

[japhy]

One of the things I did not expect about dementia was the increase in really old memories.

We, collectively my sibling group, do not know many stories of my mother’s early years. We know rudimentary stuff. Her parents divorced when she was 5. Dad was a drunk and got to stay on the family farm in Northern IA afterwards. My grandmother was sent off to Chicago to work as a house maid for a wealthy family. The 3 kids were given to the grandparents to raise. The son went to the Bohemians and the girls to the English. When WWII broke out his in-laws turned my grandfather in as a draft dodging drunk and he was rounded up and shipped off to Europe. He got a purple heart, the prevailing theory was he fell down drunk and injured himself and got shipped home.

Within the last year my mom has started telling stories of memories of when she was very small. Sometimes the stories are told from her perspective and sometimes she tells them as if she was her mom.

One story is of her mom being gone and in the hospital. Her father was drunk and locked the kids in a closet under the stairs and disappeared on a multi-day drunk. When they hear him in the house they cry and ask him to let them out and he laughs at them and tells them to shut up and leaves them there.

The other one she tells is of her father coming home late and his dinner is cold. He starts yelling at her mom and holds her head over the stove and sets her hair on fire. She thought he was going to kill her.

Her mom would come back from Chicago once a year to visit. They were confused as to who this lady was who wanted to hug them so much, so they would go to the attic and hide because she scared them. They thought their grandmother was their mom.

Often my mom seems to think she is her mom, and apologizes to me thinking I am her brother for things that happened to him when he was young.

It seems a cruel fate for these to be the most vivid memories left to a person who has lost almost all of her memories.

[Overlander]

Simple solution:

Tell her that she invented Velcro…and that the whole world appreciates her contribution to society.

Borrow a pair of Gutters shoes to show her how amazing Velcro is.

[RainbowsandUnicorns]

This thread is proof of people being able to discuss intimate/meaningful interesting things on here other than sports and politics - and be respectful and compassionate to one another.
Thanks for sharing your stories!

I have become enamored with the Salinger family. Find it both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. He typically worries about his keys, checkbook/wallet/money, his brother (who passed away), where he lives, his family, and other things.
The thing that gets me in the feels is that "Pops"/"Grandpa"/Ed always cares about his family and their well being.
Typically I watch brief videos via Facebook but they share their stories on TikTok and YouTube as well.

Here are a few.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14MXgRuVkgE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSVZmtCK-Ck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWUbsETH1N8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cddqp9HAZQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9C0_5JYuv8

[japhy]

Watching those videos, it's interesting how universal the "worries" are.

One of the few things my mom remembers is that I "took" her car. First she asks about her car and then wonders where her keys are and when reminded that she no longer can drive she says, "that's cuz he took my car!" and points at me. My sisters love this routine. Prior to me selling her car my sister let her drive once while visiting and my mom got lost on the way to my sister's apartment. Mom stopped in the middle of North Oak Trafficway crying and screaming that she didn't know where she was, had a massive panic attack in rush hour traffic. My sister continued to let her drive. Her reason for "needing" to drive she told me was that when she drove, it was the one time her equilibrium problems went away. She had multiple issues with getting dizzy and falling. So I am to believe that driving while dizzy makes the dizzy go away. Later she drove across Loos Park in the middle of a weekend day on the sidewalks while trying to find my sister. She was honking the horn to get families with children walking on the sidewalk to get out of her way. When asked about it later she told me angrily, "those people were yelling at me like I didn't know I was driving on the sidewalk, I'm not stupid, I know I'm driving on the sidewalk!". Fine, but you should also "know" that you shouldn't drive on the sidewalk and that seems to be beyond your grasp. That's when I took the keys.

Annie's mom is about to be "incarcerated" in the psych ward for the fourth time in 12 months. She has been having psychotic breaks as they describe them to us and also shows signs of cognitive decline and depression/anxiety. Every time she gets out of the hospital the first thing she asks for is her car. When do I get my car back? The last time her son drove her to the grocery less than two blocks away from her current living facility and asked her to give him directions to get back. She couldn't, said it was confusing and got angry about being tested. She reminds him that she can use her phone for directions. OK, ask your phone for directions back to the facility. "I don't know how to do that!". You can see her facility from the parking lot of the grocery store. It is likely that she will never drive again.

I do understand the desire for some sort of autonomy and independence. Having use of a car represents independence to both of these women. But having them behind the wheel represents a life safety risk to every driver and pedestrian in their vicinity. Left to their own devices they would both still be driving.

Both women have declared at some point in the last year that they "need to get a job". Why? Because I have bills to pay! Both get reminded that we pay all of their bills. They don't have access to a credit card or check book. I don't have any money in my pocket, I need to get some money! You don't need money here, everything is paid. But what if I want some new clothes? They both worry about their appearance and want new clothes because they, "don't have any, where did all of my nice clothes go?" Did you look in your closet? There's nothing in there! Let's look, I see 5 sweaters, which one do you want to wear today.

The daily anxiety they undergo seems excruciating and never ceases. They both sit down and sulk in frustration and often cry. Both have sleep issues and most of that time spent latte at night not sleeping is filled with anxious daydreams or imaginations. When our pets get to this level of misery the societal standard is we do the humane thing and "put them to sleep" peacefully. When humans get to this level of misery the societal standard is to warehouse them and extend the misery for the longest time possible while paying a corporate entity $10K/month to make this continue. Why? The "sanctity of life"?

Parting thought, if you have parents who are older than age 70 and you don't have a power of attorney document, you should look into that.

[japhy]

Simple solution:

Tell her that she invented Velcro…and that the whole world appreciates her contribution to society.

Borrow a pair of Gutters shoes to show her how amazing Velcro is.

I do often make up stories to fill in the gaps of her own life or to explain something. When she got moved "upstairs" to the memory care floor it was devastating for her. Multiple calls a day to anyone who would answer the phone, "will you come get me? They said I could leave if you come get me! Why are you doing this to me?"

It is pretty horrifying.

One day she asked me why the doors were locked on the floor, why can't I leave if I want to?

Well, there was that time you ran away and joined the circus.

What? I did?

Yes, you ran off with the circus and we couldn't find you for months. It must have been quite the adventure.

Oh, that does sound crazy.

If it wasn't for your gambling addicted son-in-law being in Vegas and seeing you on the trapeze in the Circus Circus Casino we might have never found you. (In my stories my brother-in-law is often a villain and a savior, this brings my sister much joy) Yes, Colonel Illiniwok first gambled away most of his retirement and then in a drunken stupor climbed up and got you down off the trapeze and brought you home.

Wow, that sounds kind of dangerous.

Yes, I don't know what they were thinking letting an 85 year old work on the trapeze that high in the air. But the Flying Daredevil Granny was a money maker for them, so they didn't care.

About this point she starts laughing about how crazy her life was back then. But yeah, it was dangerous so it is good she isn't doing that many more.

Whenever her life story starts down a sad path we often revisit this story. My sister now eagerly embellishes the part about her husband the drunken gambling addict, while he stands in the background grinning.

[Overlander]

Simple solution:

Tell her that she invented Velcro…and that the whole world appreciates her contribution to society.

Borrow a pair of Gutters shoes to show her how amazing Velcro is.

I do often make up stories to fill in the gaps of her own life or to explain something. When she got moved "upstairs" to the memory care floor it was devastating for her. Multiple calls a day to anyone who would answer the phone, "will you come get me? They said I could leave if you come get me! Why are you doing this to me?"

It is pretty horrifying.

One day she asked me why the doors were locked on the floor, why can't I leave if I want to?

Well, there was that time you ran away and joined the circus.

What? I did?

Yes, you ran off with the circus and we couldn't find you for months. It must have been quite the adventure.

Oh, that does sound crazy.

If it wasn't for your gambling addicted son-in-law being in Vegas and seeing you on the trapeze in the Circus Circus Casino we might have never found you. (In my stories my brother-in-law is often a villain and a savior, this brings my sister much joy) Yes, Colonel Illiniwok first gambled away most of his retirement and then in a drunken stupor climbed up and got you down off the trapeze and brought you home.

Wow, that sounds kind of dangerous.

Yes, I don't know what they were thinking letting an 85 year old work on the trapeze that high in the air. But the Flying Daredevil Granny was a money maker for them, so they didn't care.

About this point she starts laughing about how crazy her life was back then. But yeah, it was dangerous so it is good she isn't doing that many more.

Whenever her life story starts down a sad path we often revisit this story. My sister now eagerly embellishes the part about her husband the drunken gambling addict, while he stands in the background grinning.

This has so much awesome in it!

[japhy]

In the interest of hearing opposing opinions.....

Nadine Dorries has said the death of her husband at home only served to increase her opposition to assisted dying.

Paul Dorries, who died of bowel cancer in June 2019, asked to travel to the Dignitas clinic in Switzerland to end his life as soon as he received his terminal diagnosis, the former culture secretary said.

But setting out her opposition to the “distressing” practice of assisted suicide, Ms Dorries said her husband had eventually been glad to spend his final weeks in palliative care surrounded by loved ones.

Assisted suicide is banned in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, and carries a maximum prison sentence of 14 years.

In her weekly column for the Daily Mail, Ms Dorries said her husband told her he wanted “to go to Dignitas now, while I still can” on the day that he was given four months to live.

“In the event, that is not what happened. The process to sign up with Dignitas takes a considerable time … Paul’s short prognosis timed him out,” she wrote.

“But, as I will explain, the peaceful way he died at home four months later – surrounded by his loving family – only reinforced my strong view that assisted dying is wrong.”

Ms Dorries described euthanasia as “sudden, brutal, clinical and, I imagine, distressing for those who have to watch”.

The debate around the topic has been reignited after Dame Esther Rantzen, the broadcaster and campaigner, revealed she had signed up to Dignitas, where physicians aid the terminally ill to end their lives, after her diagnosis of stage four lung cancer.

A petition for a parliamentary vote on assisted dying passed 10,000 signatories on Wednesday, meaning the Government is now obliged to issue a response.

Sir Keir Starmer, the Labour leader, has said he would set aside parliamentary time for a backbench Bill aimed at changing the law.

Despite his initial request to end his life, Ms Dorries said, her late husband came to cherish the “attention and the banter” provided by those who cared for him in his final weeks.

“He didn’t die in a clinical setting in Switzerland, but at home in our arms,” she concluded. “And at the end, that was exactly where he wanted to be.”

And there you have it. She feels it was the best choice for her husband (not word from him) and so it should be the only choice for the rest of England?

[Sparko]

When my mother died last year, the care facility even stole her burial insurance. It is almost time for pitchforks. Vote.

[japhy]

My mom used to work as head of nursing in a nursing home back in the 1980's. She had stories of patients in their 80's who hadn't walked in a couple of years being taken to the hospital for surgery. The family would be talked into a hip replacement to improve the quality of life of their loved one. No cost to you, medicare will pay for it. If they just got the hip replacement they might magically get up afterwards and walk outside and take a stroll around the parking lot with the grandkids! After the surgery the person was bedridden waiting for the surgical wounds to heal until they died.

Now, an 86 year old woman is walking down the hall and a friendly young woman asks her if she would like to get her hair done? She could look pretty for the next couple of days. A little attention sounds great so the woman goes into the salon at the facility and gets her hair done. On her monthly bill there is an add charge for $100 for the elective service. Pedicure is $50. One of my sisters worked in a salon years ago and she washes mom's hair and cuts it twice monthly when she visits. So it is all rather duplicitous and if we are being intellectually honest maybe a bit predatory in a self serving sort of way. My sister had to step in and inform the salon staff that she would dispute the charges in the future, mom can't really consent to buying extras.

What money mom has left is in a trust. There are lawyers that specialize in this stuff. The idea being to protect assets from the reach of the facility and Medicare.

[japhy]

Annie has been taking notes. There is a pattern to her mother’s periodic circling of the mental drain. It has 13 repetitive warning signs/indicators.

On Tuesday mom hit #11. Her phone doesn’t work.

She called Annie 3 times that day, on the phone that doesn’t work. On the last phone call of the day she complained on and off for 30 minutes on the phone that doesn’t work, about the phone that doesn’t work. Mom had her son look at the phone that doesn’t work and it worked fine. She had the maintenance/repair guy look at the phone that doesn’t work and it worked fine for him. She asked the nurse to check the phone that doesn’t work and it worked fine for her.

Annie kept mom on the phone that doesn’t work until 8:30, there was a knock on the door. The nurse was there to give mom her meds. Who is that? It’s the nurse with my meds. I thought you told me the nurses were never there and no one was giving you your meds any more? (#12 on the list). Well they gave them to me tonight, but they haven’t given them to me any other night. I haven’t seen any of the staff here for days, I don’t think anyone works here any more. But didn’t you say repair dude looked at your phone that doesn’t work any more earlier today and the nurse looked at your phone that doesn’t work any more earlier today? Why does no one believe my phone that doesn’t work any more, doesn’t work? Everyone seems to think don’t know how to use my phone!

Wednesday - How can I use the ipad that doesn’t work any more to order food from Hornbachers, I think I am going to starve to death! I have no food in my fridge. You are starving to death? Why don’t you go to the cafeteria and get some food? I got a notice from the facility that my services contract has been cancelled. I haven’t eaten in a couple of days. I think they are going to bring in the sheriff and evict me (sign #13, we have completed the cycle!) . Why would they evict you? I am an asshole and no one here likes me. How do you know this? When I went to breakfast in the cafeteria no one would sit with me. The same thing happened when I went to lunch. Full stop….you had breakfast and lunch in the cafeteria? I thought you said they hadn’t fed you for days. They haven’t, they cut off my services. But you had lunch earlier? Yes. No recognition that these two things contradicted each other. No, she is not a trump voter, but you would be forgiven at this point for wondering. When she gets off the phone that doesn’t work Annie says, she hit #13, so we have less than 48 hours before she heads back to the psych ward. I just hope she does it before the weekend because that makes the whole thing more of a clusterfuck.

Thursday – The facility calls Annie. When we came into your mom’s room this AM she had removed her neck brace. She fell and broke her neck a month and a half ago and has been wearing a neck brace since. Annie had been hoping mom would stay out of the psych ward long enough for the neck to heal. Mom has been fussing for the last week about how the neck brace hurts and makes it impossible to sleep. Have you tried taking some Tylenol? That’s what the nurse suggested, I am not taking Tylenol, it won’t help. On Saturday a 20 minute conversation on the phone that doesn’t work occurred and at the end, mom begrudgingly agreed to take some 2 Tylenol before bed. On Sunday she tells Annie she got a great night’s sleep, first time she has slept in 5 days. Annie asks if she is going to take some tylenol again that night. Oh hell no! Everyone keeps telling me to take Tylenol but I am not going to take tylenol!

But I digress….

So mom has her neck brace off yesterday morning and is ranting about how she is NOT going to leave it on forever like that doctor said she had to, no one here likes me because I am an asshole, I blew it, I messed everything up and you are evicting me! Within a couple of hours when the nurses can’t calm her and they can’t have the entire staff following her around all day, there are others to attend to as well, the ambulance arrives. Mom did not last long enough for her neck to heal but she did blow it up in less than 48 hours as predicted AND before the weekend.

One of the blessings of the psych ward is mom has no access to the phone that doesn’t work for the whole weekend. She will be wearing her neck brace until she gets out. She likely will not get ECT on this trip, due to said neck brace. Today we wait to hear the results of her psych evaluation. Annie admitted last night that this person she has been dealing with for the last year bears no resemblence to her mom. She feels as though her mom has disappeared and she will probably never see her again. She is going to have to figure out how to love this new person the way she loved her mom. It’s a weird concept. My mom ran away from home and came back triumphantly as a much celebrated circus performer. Annie’s came back as a sideshow geek. My sister and I agreed least night we got the better deal.

The indignity of life.

Almost forgotten in all the trauma; Happy Birthday Annie!

It was just a year ago that your mom went into the psych ward for the first time in this tragic painful cycle.